"What did I do to contribute to this problem?"
Everyone has to ask that question every time they are involved in trying to solve a problem. To not examine their own heart or motive reveals a lack of character which makes relationships difficult and personal growth nearly impossible. People who spend their whole lives never admitting they have done anything wrong end up with a life that proves them wrong.
And of course, after finding the answer to that question, you must own and make up for whatever your part was. This is all pretty simple and basic, but nonetheless, crucial.
I want to go somewhere more subtle but just as crucial.
There is a tendency among some to ask the question and always find something that was their fault; even when it is not. Their answer to "What did I do to contribute to the problem?" is always "something" and never "nothing". So choices and situations are mentally replayed, motives second guessed, wondering "what if", and wishing for the wisdom to have done it differently when honestly, what was done was perfectly FINE.
I started thinking about this while reading the Psalms over the last 3 months.
David's life and the Psalms show a good mix of him answering the question BOTH ways.
While David has the courage to examine himself before God to see if there is wrong motive or impurity present (something) he also has the courage to admit he isn't the problem (nothing). I am amazed at David's rock solid confidence in his own "rightness". Sometimes it is his fault, but other times he has "enemies" and he is "innocent" with a clarity and boldness which makes us uncomfortable, but is probably healthy.
You don't find him wondering:
"Gee, maybe if I had worn Saul's armor when I fought Goliath, Saul and I would have gotten off on a better foot."
"I should have asked Saul what song he wanted me to play on my harp for him instead of just playing something generically soothing. Then maybe he wouldn't have thrown his spear at me."
"If I could just go back and present those Philistine foreskins to Saul in a more humble manner, maybe he wouldn't be hunting me down for the last three years. My bad."
Saul had crap in his life that David's actions did not cause. David just became a target for Saul's mess - and David had the courage to see it for what it was. Didn't mean he was cruel to Saul or wrote him off. Just means he didn't go down the silly path of wondering what he did that made Saul behave like Saul was.
Take a lesson from David.
Ask "What did I do to contribute to this?" but then have the courage to actually provide the answer that fits, either:
a) Something - and then own up to your part and make it right.
or
b) Nothing - realize it isn't actually your problem, your actions just happened to take you across a fault line that was already active. So call a spade a spade, and move on.
Remember, there are two answers - and a healthy person's life will reflect that.
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